Conflicting Thoughts

I just arrived in New York. The train ride wasn’t too bad, but I’ve done it before. Just never alone like that. I guess I had that women by my side, but she wasn’t exactly the company I was looking for. I mean she wouldn’t even have a drink with me. I wanted to be somewhat prepared for my arrival here so I’ve decided to stay at one of those not so good hotels on the other side of town, because I don’t want any of my parents “allies” to find me. I miss my mother, I really do, I just keep thinking about her face when she reads that letter from the headmaster. She will be devastated. But for now I’m in a hotel room. I wish I had a view of central park or something. On the cab ride over we drove past Central Park and all I wanted to do was run through the trees with Allie and Phoebe, and maybe even D.B. (but since he is off being a prostitute in Hollywood,  I’m not sure if he’d be caught dead doing anything of the sort, but then again I wouldn’t normally be either). I guess its just the immaturity that I’m full of. I also want to go to that duck pond, that little lagoon in the south part of the park. I just wanna see if the ducks are still there, and you know, if the pond is frozen yet.  Lately I’ve been wondering a lot about those damn ducks. You know where those ducks go during the winter. Boy, I don't even know why; I just think that it would be satisfying to know. Don’t go thinking I really care about the ducks and all, I do, I’m not some sort of duck hater, but its mostly for old Phoebe because she would want to know. I want to know to too because I’m just the type of person who likes to know where things stand. I don’t always like change, its pretty damn lousy most of the time but sometimes its okay. Just an hour ago, when we were driving in the cab the lousy driver stopped us at some corner, and a young girl came running around the sidewalk. Her mom grabbed her hand, and she kind of just stood there for a second and the little girl stared with her eyes real wide at the cars as if she had never seen anything like them before, (that nearly killed me) and her toe didn't even touch the street. I just kept thinking about what would have happened had she gotten hurt, and if her mother hadn't pulled her back in time. Imagine how that would change your life. I’m terrifically crazy I know, and I don’t make much sense either, but just think about it. Think about that feeling you get when you don’t know what is about to happen. That moment when you are that girl's mother, and you see your daughter about to run into the goddam street. Now that I’m in New York I think that I’ll be experiencing that lousy feeling more. I mean I don't even know what I'm doing in New York; I have enough dough to stay anywhere. All I know is that I’m staying at the Edmont Hotel. 

-HC